It sucks… let’s just get it out of the way. It really, really sucks.
This is the first year where bridges have been burned, the end of the road has been reached etc etc. Things are going to be awkward. There will be tears. There already has been. There are whilst writing this…
No-one will be happy all of the time. Not me, not mum, not even the most important person in all of this, Heidi. Unfortunately, with her being 3 years old, she probably won’t know what she wants until it is too late. Regardless of all the plans, unless they are perfect/lucky, they won’t please her. Maybe in a couple of years time, she will be able to say exactly what she wants, and mean it, but not at the moment sadly. That is the worse thing about all of this, the poor little thing is going to be really confused and upset and there is nothing I can do.
I am already dreading the time it will be to say goodbye on the big day. Mind you, I dread it every single time, be it summer, winter, weekday, weekend. It is an emotion that you can never escape as a single parent.
The last couple of years, we have managed to spend the day as a notional family so we all spent the day with her and made it as “normal” as possible. Sadly, despite best efforts, that doesn’t seem to be on the agenda so even 2 weeks before Christmas, I have no idea what is actually going to happen.
However, in the days leading up to and after Christmas, I am going to treat every day like it is Christmas Day. Ok, there won’t be any presents or crackers or big dinner, but there will be fun times, laughter, adventures and love.
That is the best that I can do for myself and Heidi. That is the only thing I can do.
Yes, it will suck on Christmas Day, regardless. But I’ll have the memories of the days before and the planning of the days after to think about.
At least that’s the plan…
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